My Book

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These are TRUE stories that I have witnessed/experienced.  Most of them happened at one client.  I've thought about writing a book on these stories, but it would be published under fiction as no one would believe it.

The picture above was NOT taken from any of my clients, but it seemed appropriate.

  Move 5 hours of transports into the live production client on a Wednesday morning.  (Unbelievably, no major effects were reported)
  Transpose the currency conversion of Mexican Peso to US Dollar on a Friday afternoon and go on a week's vacation.  
  Test an interface with a PLC by simulating the PLC by clicking on a mouse and then act surprised when the PLC reacts differently.  Find that your production has been misstated by a factor of 4 to 5.  Forced to do a complete physical count of your finished goods inventory the Monday after go-live.
  Correct the PLC interface that was broken at go-live, but still refuse to actually travel to the site to look at the manufacturing process.  Forced to do a complete physical count of your finished goods inventory at the end of the first week of go-live when it's discovered that the PLC counts every part manufactured including the 2 to 3% that are diverted to a rework line.
  Let someone who insists that batch management should never be implemented correct your batch managed finished goods inventory that was messed up by a PLC interface at go-live.  Act surprised when the surprised when the shipping department is shut down a few hours later when all of the batches that they are trying to ship have been removed.
  Change the SAP source code for sales orders and load the 23 Hot Packs that have been waiting since go-live on a Friday and act surprised when the system is dead on Monday morning.
  Remove access to configuration in all clients to all consultants and act surprised when nothing is accomplished.
  Demand that SAP be configured to allow vendor invoices to be paid before the material is received and act surprised when you find that one of your vendor has over invoiced by 200% for the past THREE years.
  Fire any consultant or employee that says something negative about the SAP project and act surprised one month before go-live that no one has spoken up about the fact that some of the business processes haven't even been designed;  let alone configured or tested.
  Have a meeting in which you call all your employees F***ing idiots and act surprised when one of the key project leads resigns.
  Use the download function on an OSS note that is filled with SAP warnings not to use the download function because there are multiple versions of the code. 
  Move major code changes into the QA test client near the end of integration testing.  Find out that the code changes stop all inventory movement, but still debate for four weeks whether or not the earlier testing should be repeated after the code is corrected again.
  Spend six months "Blueprinting" the SAP system and then decided that all 1,000 pages need to be re-entered in a different format.  Wonder why moral is low when it takes another three months to reformat all 1,000 pages.
  After spending nine months "Blueprinting" decide that a 1,000 page document is too large for the executive committee to review.  Force the team to spend a month to create a 100 page executive Blueprint, but keep the 1,000 page document as "backup".
  After spending six months to clean up Bills of Materials and Routes and releasing all of the standard cost runs in December in preparation for your January 1 go-live; decide that the standard costs that were budgeted in August have to be used in SAP.  Force the team to locate the old print outs and manually create costing BOMs and Routes that will create cost variances all year.